I Think My Child Is Being Bullied!

I Think My Child Is Being Bullied!
A Guide for Parents

By Donna Smith

As parents, one of the worst things we can discover is that our children are being bullied. But it's important to know that we can do something about it! What can you -- as a parent -- do if you think you're child is being bullied, and what should you tell your child?

The first step is to confirm your suspicions: Is your child the victim of a bully? Unfortunately, kids may not offer this information voluntarily. "My son came home from school with his shirt torn and scratches on his face," says Paula, whose 9-year-old son, Tyler, was bullied. "I repeatedly asked him if someone was doing this to him. He would say no, that he had fallen, or that his shirt had got caught on the fence. It took me over a month to find out that an older boy was following him home from school and physically hurting him."

There are many reasons why most children are afraid to tell their parents and get them involved. "Bullies may instill a sense of shame in victims," says Kate Cohen-Posey, author of How To Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies. "Either they internalize the names they are being called or feel like they should be able to handle it themselves."

Other factors may include the way they feel their parents will react. "If parents tend to overreact to problems or if children think parents are burdened with enough issues of their own they may not want to upset them," says Cohen-Posey.

Every parent responds differently. Janet dealt with her son's bully in a creative way. "When my son, Paul, was in third grade, a sixth grader met him everyday on his walk to school and demanded that Paul hand over his sandwich," says Janet. "Paul and I had been having fun making fancy sub sandwiches, so the bully was getting a real treat. After two weeks, Paul confessed to me that he hadn't been able to eat his lunch for some time. The next morning I made the Italian sub as usual, but in between the provolone and ham, I slipped an invoice for $3.50, that included the bully's name and street address. That seemed to do the trick! He never approached Paul again."

Paula did not get rid of her son's bully as easily. "I did everything," says Paula. "I talked to the school, I talked to the parents, I even talked to the bully. Nothing worked. We just got lucky that before the next school year started, his family had moved away."

What signs should you look for that might indicate your child is being bullied?

Physical Signs
Children are prone to get cuts, scrapes and bruises, but if your son or daughter has more than you think is "normal" you might want to look into why. Your child will probably be embarrassed to tell you that someone is hurting them, but being physically hurt cannot be tolerated. Find out what's going on!

Another sign to look for is torn clothing. Every child is going to tear their favorite shirt or rip a hole in the knee of their jeans from time to time. But, if this is happening more than you think it should, this could be a sign of being physically abused by a bully.

Complaining of headaches and stomachaches could be another sign of being bullied, especially if this happens right before the child is leaving for school. Both of these symptoms could be an attempt to get out of going to school, but they also could be very real. A lack of appetite can also be a sign. The stress of worrying about a bully can lead to real physical symptoms.

Social Signs
A reluctance to go to school is a major signal that your son or daughter is the victim of a bully. Most bullying occurs on school grounds, and this can affect every aspect of a child's education. A decline in their grades, not wanting to participate in school activities or wanting to quit an activity they already participate in should be looked into. If your son or daughter does not seem to have many friends, find out why! Children try to hide from the bully by staying in the safety of their own homes.

A child who is always losing money at school could be a victim. How many movies have you seen where the bully is taking other kids' lunch money? This really happens! Children being bullied can become very angry. This may be taken out on anyone that is around, including parents and siblings. If you notice that your child is always angry, looks depressed or is aggressive, this could be a sign as well.

So now that you know what to look for, what do you do? This would depend on whether the abuse is physical or verbal.

"If it is physical, parents need to become immediately involved," says Cohen-Posey. "Tell school authorities or press legal charges. Bullying that involves any form of touching is considered battery in most states."

If the abuse is verbal, start by talking with your child. Most bullying acts start off as verbal attacks, then can escalate. "Ask your child questions to find if there were verbal precursors," suggests Cohen-Posey. "Use a casual, curious tone so your child doesn't feel you are angry with him or her. 'Was he mad at you?' 'Did she say something to your before things got really bad?' Then empathize with your child's reaction: 'I can see why that made you so upset.' The less critical parents are of children's feelings, the more details they will find out and how things got started and how serious the situation is."

What is the worst thing a parent can do? "Do not jump to conclusions without finding out as much as you can about the situation," says Cohen-Posey. "It is easy to both overestimate and underestimate the seriousness of situations."

Many parents who find out their child is being picked on want to tell them to fight back. Stick up for yourself! You don't want your child just to sit back and take it, but make sure they know there are right and wrong ways to stand up for yourself. "Do not tell children it's OK to fight without knowing what the battle is all about," say Cohen-Posey. "Children need to know how to pick their battles and learn appropriate ways to 'stand up' for themselves that don't backfire or create more problems. By the same token, don't tell children to just ignore it. Most children are not able to do this without having very hurt feelings."

What to Do as the Parent

• Inform your child's teacher, guidance counselor and principal. Ask the child if he would like to do this himself or if he would like you to do it.
• Stay calm! Finding out your child is being bullied can make you angry and -- sometimes -- irrational. You can better deal with the situation if you stay calm and focused.
• Know all your child's friends. Talk to them and let them know how you feel about bullies. If your child's friends know how you feel, they are more likely to come to you and let you know what's going on.
• Teach your child to be proud of who he is. Let him know it is fine to be different from everyone else. If you start this early, your child will have pride in himself and know he's a wonderful person that should be treated with respect.
• If the abuse is physical and you've already talked to people at the school, contact the bully's parents. Let them know what's going on and you want it to stop. Some parents may not have a clue as to what their son or daughter is doing to other people.
• Consider putting your child in a self-defense course. You don't want to let your child think it is all right to physically hurt the bully, but it's not a bad idea for your child to be able to defend himself should the situation arise. These courses will also boost the child's self-esteem and make him less likely to be a victim.
• If the bully is stealing your child's property, make sure to label everything the child takes to school. This will help in proving the property is your child's, and might act as a deterrent to the bully.

Advice to Give Your Child

• Tell your child to stay in a group. Tell him you always need to know where he is going and with whom. Bullies rarely want to confront a person if they are with a group of people.
• If the abuse is only verbal, tell your child to ignore the bully. Sometimes if bullies are not getting a response, they get bored with it and move on (hopefully not to another victim).
• Advise your child to confront the bully, but only if the abuse is verbal. Tell your son or daughter to let the bully know how they feel and that they want the bully to stop. Sometimes if a bully is stood up to, he will stop.
• Encourage him to talk to an adult, like a teacher, counselor, family member, church leader or family friend. While we all want our children to feel comfortable and be able to talk to us about anything, some may want to talk to someone else first. This will get the problem out in the open, and then you will have a chance to discuss it with your child.

http://childrentoday.com/resources/articles/martialarts.htm

Our 'system' is failing our children

Dear Parents,

School is back in session and our bully problem is back bigger and meaner than ever. This week I had a student ask me if he should just let the bully beat him up and not fight back so that he won't get in trouble at school. What kind of crap is this? The children who are being victimized are afraid to defend themselves as the other bully, our school system is going to punish them!

Parents, don't put up with our school boards decision not to handle the bully problems. Under the criminal code of Canada you child has the right to defend themselves. This right exceeds all other rules and statutes. Here is the code below.

34. (1) Every one who is unlawfully assaulted without having provoked the assault is justified in repelling force by force if the force he uses is not intended to cause death or grievous bodily harm and is no more than is necessary to enable him to defend himself.

36. Provocation includes, for the purposes of sections 34 and 35, provocation by blows, words or gestures.

37. (1) Every one is justified in using force to defend himself or any one under his protection from assault, if he uses no more force than is necessary to prevent the assault or the repetition of it.
(2) Nothing in this section shall be deemed to justify the wilful infliction of any hurt or mischief that is excessive, having regard to the nature of the assault that the force used was intended to prevent.

I have left out the part about self defense resulting in death.

For more information please feel free to comment here.

Yours in building strong, confident children,

Master Art Mason
Founder: The Peaceful Warriors' Martial Arts Institute
http://www.thepeacefulwarriors.org

Dealing with the Bully Threat

Dear Parents,

Our children return to school in a few days. We all know that the school experience should be one of the best in our child's life. But sadly it often is not. In the US the statistic is that 3 to 4 out of 10 children are bullied to the point where it can significantly effect their lives. Everyone has been bullied to some extent, but many find their own answers.

Bakc when I was a child, the problem existed, but was more isolated than it is today. The fast numbers of children I talk with daily, who are or have been bullied is staggering.

So, what are parents to do? First, for the parents, get as much information on the problem as you can find. I provide links from my different website to resources that I have checked out personally and recommend at different levels. So really, do I need to know all this? YES, don't think that your son or daughter is going to come and tell you how sever the problem is. Remember there is a threat about telling. Children believe the bully has all the power.

I have been teaching martial arts for almost 25 years now. I develop a close relationship with the students and many of the parents. I have the privilege of watching these children grow up. I deal daily with children who are bullied and often with the bullies themselves.

Why does someone become a bully?

1. Low Self Esteem
2. They have been bullied themselves.
3. Love the feeling of power.
4. Pier pressure - their friends do it.
5. They learned it from their parents!!!

What type of child is a victim?

1. Someone with low Self Esteem and confidence
2. Someone who is physically different (glasses, hearing aids, different coloured hair etc.)
3. Emotional children
4. Obese children, also those who are very skinny.
5. Quiet children.

How do we fix it? First and foremost, RAISE SELF ESTEEM.......

More on this in my next posting,


Master Art Mason
Founder: The Peaceful Warriors' Martial Arts Institute
519-962-9820

PS. Take a look at the WEBSITE. I have read parts of this work. It is worth the investment.

Information for Parents

Dear Parents,

IS your child being torments at school, in the park, maybe even in your back yard. You need to arm yourself with as much information as you can get. Check out the link below.

Defeat The Bully!

Yours in raising strong, confident children,

Master Art Mason

More on Bullies

Dear Parents,

Thought I'd share a pretty good article
regarding dealing with Bully's - and,
a few thoughts.

The article is available at:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8756912&&CM=EmailThis&CE=1

I've taught for years that the solution is
usually a "middle ground" between
"Fighting Back" and, "Running Away"

The best solution is to learn to communicate
in a CONFIDENT but, Non-Threatening way.

The article does allude to the possibility
of "Getting back in a Bully's face"
Probably not the best advice if done too
aggressively - however, standing your
ground and politely but firmly refusing to
be pushed around is usually the best
solution.

More in classes....

Thanks!

Master Art Mason
Founder: The Peaceful Warriors' Martial Arts Institute
519-962-9820
http://www.thepeacefulwarriors.org

Martial Arts classes can lower agression in a child

Dear Parents,

There is no better way to find out if a martial arts education is right for your child then to talk with other parents who's children are involved. So here is another success story of two children, both Peaceful Warrirors' and how the arts have impacted and changed their lives for the positive!

"My sons have always been what you would call a 'handful', premature babies often are. My one son had been suspended in grade1, several times, for hands on. For six years I brought them to all the age appropriate agencies within the city for some kind of help for them. Some progress was made, but it was very limited.

Then about 4 years ago, my sons were about six, someone had recommended martial arts to me. I thought "Are you crazy? You actually want me to give my kid the ability to beat someone up? I can see it now, he is going to be expelled from school in the second grade. No way! It's not going to happen." That was my attitute for the next couple of years, all the while still trying to get them the help they needed and deserved. My point of view changed when I heard a story of a child who was like mine and how The Peaceful Warriors' helped him to be able to overcome his anger and agression at school. I has to check things out for myself, so I did. I brought the
boys there to see what they did and one son thought it was a license to kill. This worried me, but the way the children are taught is about self defense and discipline. It is not about beating people up. This was something they very quickly learned and that attitude would not be tolerated. Soon the worry about my son being expelled from school was a distant memory. They are doing much better, socially, in school and the hands on incidents have not been an issue.

If your children are having a difficult time in school or at home the masters are there to listen and help with the problem. If they can they will present the situation to the class and use it as a lesson for the rest of the class without belittleing anyone. It is done with the upmost respect for the child and parents involved.

As a parent I would recommend The Peaceful Warriors' Martial Arts Institute to anyone who cares about his or her child."


Bre-Ann S. Windsor mother of 2 Peaceful Warriors'


Find out today what is possible for your child! Give us a call at 519-962-9820 and talk with an instructor today! Martial Arts in not just an activity for kids to spend time on. It is a life changing education!

Your in the arts,


Master Art Mason,
Founder: The Peaceful Warriors' Martial Arts Institute
519-962-9820
http://www.thepeacefulwarriors.org

Study: Obese Kids More Prone To Be Bullied

May 03, 2004, 01:23:40 PM

Obese kids rate quality of life as low as cancer patients Overweight adolescents are more likely than normal-weight children to be victims of bullying, or bullies themselves, a study found, bolstering evidence that being fat endangers emotional as well as physical health.

The results in a study of 5,749 Canadian youngsters echo data from British research and follow a U.S. study published last year in which obese children rated their quality of life as low as young cancer patients' because of teasing and weight-related health problems.

While not surprising given the stigma of being overweight, the new findings underscore the importance of enlisting teachers and schools in the fight to prevent and treat obesity in children, said lead author Ian Janssen, an obesity researcher at Queens University in Kingston, Ontario.
"Anybody's who's ever been on a playground would know" that overweight children are among those who get picked on, Janssen said, adding that in some cases, that may lead the youngsters to become bullies themselves.

The study appears in the May edition of Pediatrics, released Monday.

Janssen said obesity rates in Canadian children tripled from the 1980s to 1990s and show no signs of slowing down, similar to rising rates in other developed nations and in the United States, where 15 percent of school-age youngsters are obese and increasingly plagued by related health problems. Nearly one-third of American children are overweight.
Social isolation

The toll on emotional health is just as worrisome, the researchers said.
"The social and psychological ramifications induced by the bullying-victimization process may hinder the social development of overweight and obese youth, because adolescents are extremely reliant on peers for social support, identity and self-esteem," the researchers said.
Their data is based on a national survey of Canadian youngsters, ages 11 to 16, conducted in 2002.

Among normal-weight youngsters, almost 11 percent said they were victims of bullying, compared with 14 percent of overweight youngsters and nearly 19 percent of obese youngsters.
About 8 percent of normal-weight children said they were perpetrators, compared with 11 percent of overweight youngsters and 9 percent of the obese children.
Obese boys and girls were more than two times more likely than normal-weight youngsters to be victims of "relational" bullying -- being intentionally left out of social activities. Obese girls were about twice as likely to be physically bullied on a weekly basis as normal-weight girls; among obese boys the risk was slightly lower but still substantially higher than for normal-weight boys.

Obese girls were more than five times more likely than normal-weight girls to physically bully other youngsters at least once weekly. Among boys the risk of being physically aggressive was only slightly increased, but they were more than twice as likely to make fun of others and spread lies and rumors than normal-weight boys.

Cleveland child psychologist Sylvia Rimm, author of "Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children," said many schools with anti-bullying programs don't specifically address overweight youngsters.

Rimm said reducing bullying could help youngsters overcome their weight problems. Bullying perpetuates those problems because it isolates them, and "the only thing left for overweight kids is food and television," she said.

Is Your Child Harassed by Bullies?

Is Your Child Harassed by Bullies?
(He or she may be – and you might not even know!)
Can Karate, Martial Arts, Tae Kwon Do help solve this problem?


Dear Fellow Parents,

Let me tell you about a kid I know named Tyler.

Tyler was usually enthusiastic and happy. His cheery disposition and bright smile went with him
wherever he went. But when he began 4th grade, his parents began to notice some changes.

Tyler was becoming more and more withdrawn. He often seemed uneasy, and less sure of himself than ever before.

In third grade, Tyler was always eager to get outside to play after school. Weekends were happily spent in family activities.

But now, Tyler stayed around the house, keeping to himself. He seemed reluctant to talk about friends, school, or much of anything else.

Tyler’s parents didn’t know what to make of it…but they knew something wasn’t right.

A call to the school teacher was made. Tyler’s teacher, Mrs. Phillips, said, as if Mom and Dad should have known about it all along, “He’s probably upset about Sam. Sam has been giving Tyler a hard time for quite a while now.” So there it was.

Tyler had a bully problem.

Most parents have found their child in this situation before. As a parent, you can’t help but feel angry, bewildered and totally unsure of what to do.


What I’m about to tell you next will seem kind of hard to understand? But if you think back to when you were a kid, and recall how small you felt, and how big the world seemed, perhaps you can remember

Kids with bully problems feel ashamed.

Are you aware that most kids who are being bothered by bullies don’t tell their parents? They just “suffer in silence.”

Because they feel embarrassed, they usually don’t tell anybody. Not their parents. Not their friends. Not the people at school.

You can imagine what suffering this type of harassment is doing to their Self-Esteem… And all the while, you don’t even know there is a problem.

For many kids, this is the first “grown up” problem they ever have to encounter. And they keep the whole, disturbing thing on their own young, inexperienced shoulders.

And – even if you eventually do find out about it –

What are you going to do?

Chances are, you feel just about as unsure as Tyler probably does.


• Maybe you will call Sam’s parents, and talk the situation over with them? Reason with them? Good luck. You see, there’s a reason why Sam is a bully. And when you eventually call his parents, you will probably see what that reason is. Most likely, Sam’s parents will be defensive and uncooperative.


• Will you call the school? Probably. But, remember, school officials get these calls all the time. Most teachers and administrators would like to help…but they don’t have the answers, either. They will probably just remind you that if Tyler should try to defend himself, he will be kicked out of school, right alongside the kids who is the cause of the problem.


• You might encourage Tyler to stand up for himself; to defend himself. But you and I both know that Tyler is probably no match for the bully. And, even if he was, what good will getting him expelled do (see above)?

• Besides – and this is important – do you really want to teach him that fighting is the answer? I will tell you (and, remember, I have 20 years experience in the Martial Arts), fighting is not the answer. If Tyler resorts to fighting this bully, there is always a bigger, tougher bully waiting for him.



So – you do what parents usually do.

You tell Tyler to avoid Sam. And you unwittingly set into motion a series of events that will have Tyler like running and hiding from trouble, feeling like a victim…feelings that could very well follow him for the rest of his life.

Or worse and I hate to even mention this…sometimes the “Tyler’s” of this world responds to their anger and frustration by becoming the bully.

You lose, either way.

And so, of course, does Tyler. Does any of this sound familiar?

Believe me. I understand how you are feeling. After all, I’m a parent too, and I understand how you feel. I also remember how I felt when I had to deal with the neighborhood “tough guy” at 10 years old. That’s why I started martial arts lessons – and, my problems were solved – without ever having to use any physical skills what-so-ever.

In coaching them…and in “raising” the other 20,00 or so kids we’ve dealt with over the last 21 years as a martial art instructor, I’ve learned a thing or two about teaching children to handle these disturbing bully problems.

Now, read carefully. I’m going to tell you a secret.

If you understand what I’m about to tell you, you will have the “key” to resolving this entire, frustrating situation.

The Secret: Some kids don’t get picked on at all.

That’s right. Some kids don’t get picked on – at all.


They don’t pick on other kids, either. They are free to enjoy themselves, to be themselves…and it wouldn’t even occur to a bully to give them a hard time.

What I can do for you.

It’s pretty simple, really. I’m just going to take your child out of the group of kids that get picked on – and put him or her in the group of kids that doesn’t get picked on.

And, I’m going to do it without turning your nice child into one of those “tough guys.”

That’s a big claim, isn’t it? After all, if I can really do what I say, not only will this solve a sticky problem for you…it will place your child, once again, on the road to a level of self-esteem that will empower him or her to do anything. No “victim” mentality. No running and hiding.

No being ashamed of something that isn’t his or her fault.

So how does it work?

It will take about 15 minutes for one of my instructors to explain it to you. And, I guarantee the answer will surprise you. I have locations around the Windsor / Essex county area including Windsor, Belle River, St. Clair Beach and Essex. Karate, martial arts, can help your child overcome this problem, without violence!

Now, you may want to first try some of the alternative “strategies” I’ve listed above – but I suspect you already have, and are just about fed up with having your kid be pushed around.

So don’t wait. Just call my office at 519-566-6610, or email info@thepeacefulwarriors.org and we will set up a time for your visit with a Master Teacher.


If you call now you will receive, with no obligation:

1. A FREE private consultation of one of our Master Instructors

2. 2 FREE introductory lessons at The Peaceful Warriors' Martial Arts Institute, with no obligation



We will be providing this as a community service for a limited time and have limited capacity for this special program – so please call now to reserve your space.



Yours for Better Kids,



Master Art Mason
Founder: The Peaceful Warriors’ Martial Arts

PS. See what Karate or the martial arts can do for your child!

P.S.S Check us out on the WEB at http://www.thepeacefulwarriors.org